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An entrepreneurial criminal, Slim (Dorff) is as smart as they come. Cocky and confident, he assembles a team of risk-taking rush-seekers to pull off a series of five bank heists, each time using a different extreme sport to make the getaway. Following an unexpected windfall on only their second job, the gang nets $20 million in untraceable bonds. Having scored enough money to retire on, Slim and his crew decide to call the robbery game quits. But both the mob and the police have other plans in mind for Slim: they want him to keep working, for them.

A policeman takes his twin brother’s place and inherits his problems and a beautiful girlfriend. He is forced to kickbox his way from France to the U.S. and back while playing footsie with the FBI and Russian mafia. Not just muscles with a badge, the policeman must find the answers to some tough questions, none harder than what the heck is an accordian player doing in a sauna.

Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Nicholas Oz Oseransky, retired hitman Jimmy The Tulip Tudeski now spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife, Jill, a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a clean hit. Suddenly, an uninvited and unwelcome connection to their past unexpectedly shows up on Jimmy and Jill’s doorstep: it’s Oz, and he’s begging them to help him rescue his wife from the Hungarian mob. To complicate matters even further, the men, who are out to get Oz, are led by Lazlo Gogolak, a childhood rival of Jimmy’s and another notorious hitman. Oz, Jimmy and Jill will have to go the whole nine yards—and then some—to manage the mounting Mafioso mayhem.

Oz is a Montréal dentist, paying off debts so he can divorce his wife: the dislike is mutual. When she learns their new neighbor is hit man Jimmy the Tulip, with a price on his head, she sends Oz to Chicago to earn a finder’s fee telling Mob boss Yanni where to find Jimmy. To get his wife off his back, Oz goes, his assistant Jill urging him to get laid while there. One of Yanni’s men awaits Oz at the hotel; Oz’s now in too deep to avoid telling Yanni what he knows. Meanwhile, Oz’s wife rats on Oz to Jimmy, hoping Jimmy will kill Oz and she can cash in on life insurance. Oz meets Jimmy’s wife (Yanni’s captive), flips for her, and the double-crosses mount. Even Jill isn’t whom she seems.

200 years in the future a Martian police unit is dispatched to transport a dangerous prisoner from a mining outpost back to justice. But when the team arrives they find the town deserted and some of the inhabitants possessed by the former inhabitants of the planet.